Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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