Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize