i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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