I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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