Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
