smell my finger.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
