pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
