Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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