That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
