The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
