the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
we made out on top of his cat.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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