a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize