I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize