do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
