tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
