Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
