and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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