He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
