Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
