i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
3 2 1 whiskey
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize