Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
