Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
it was like having sex with a tree stump
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
