I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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