if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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