lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
