You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Randomize
