we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
