4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
