You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
