soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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