Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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