sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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