When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
