I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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