Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
