I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
