I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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