It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
