Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
