I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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