24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
