Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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