Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
