On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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