I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
