Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
