I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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