Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
