why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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