he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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