My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
