My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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