Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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