craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
