She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i came on her dog
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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