I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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