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if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize