yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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