I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
