i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
