Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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