Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
