Banned from zoo.
Again?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
