Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
