i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
