he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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